Our Hearts Cry

As most of you know, we have been going through a very difficult time in our spiritual lives. A little over a year ago, we experienced some major losses in our church family. Those incidents have spun us into a whirlwind. We have tried to pick up the pieces, but to no avail it seems. We feel so smothered and bogged down, its like someone has tied cement to our bodies and thrown us overboard. Steven has had the "unsettled" feeling longer than I have. I guess it just took me more time to catch up, and I suppose I was trying to be the strong one and handle things all by myself for my family. However, I am not so sure I made the right decision. In the process, Kalyn has gotten older, wiser, and more mature, more involved in activities and various ministries. Steven has become more and more despondent, maybe even to the point of uncaring and bitter. Me... I am still here, but barely. We have the need to experience more of God. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is working in our lives, pulling and drawing us to a closer relationship with Him. We fully desire to open up and let Him be God. To have liberty in whatever it is that He has planned for us. Right now, we are at a standstill. Steven spoke just the other day about Moses and how God did not let them enter into the Promiseland for 40 years but kept them wandering because of their complaining and disobedience. We are in the same wilderness, wandering, not truly understanding where our destination is. But we have faith, that just like He delivered the Israelites, He will deliver us. Even though He has us captive, He continues to pour out His blessings. We just don't want to be here for 40 years!! I once heard a very wise man say that when God gets ready to do something BIG in your life, He will give you a great dissatisfaction for where you are. We are waiting impatiently for the something BIG. A friend told me just a few days ago, that we were gonna have to make a move , we can't just sit still any longer. She said that we will eventually wither away to nothing, that we are only starving the spirit. We understand all of that, and we know it to be true. We don't want to do anything that is not of God, so we are still waiting to hear from Him. Unfortunately, He is finding it funny to keep us waiting. We don't know if He wants us to attend a different church or if He wants us to do something totally different, something outrageous, where we are. We do know that we need to be spiritually fed and at this point, it is just not happening. What little we have taken in, has come from other sources that we have sought out on our own. We are praying for His direction, for our ears, hearts and minds to be opened to His voice and His guidance. Please, Lord, Speak to us. We are waiting for You to take us by the hand and lead us.

GROWING UP SO FAST

Kalyn lost another tooth. That makes 3 in the last two months. It seems like everyday she gets a little taller, says things that make her seem so grown. It breaks my heart. She has made me cry so much lately just by looking at her and making me realize that I no longer have a "baby". Oh, don't get me wrong, I know it is God's plan for her to grow and mature, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But sometimes it makes me sad to see those times left behind. I just want to hold on a little longer. I have read somewhere before that a child's personality, beliefs and morals are set by the time they reach 8 years old. That makes me realize that I don't have much time to make a lasting impression on my child. I pray that God has given Steven and me the wisdom and compassion to raise her in a way that He is pleased. My wish is that she will become a great leader, a mighty woman of Christ. She will be obedient and steadfast. She will run with perserverance the path that is laid before her, never wavering or faltering, but with character and confidence. We have known from her very beginning that she was chosen to do great and mighty acts. Even when she was still in my belly, she would move constantly when we were at church. She could not be still. That is how I still see her, somehow ,someway, making her appearance known to everyone around her. That's our girl! We are proud that God has let us just be bystanders, able to watch as her life unfolds.