Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Our Hearts Cry
As most of you know, we have been going through a very difficult time in our spiritual lives. A little over a year ago, we experienced some major losses in our church family. Those incidents have spun us into a whirlwind. We have tried to pick up the pieces, but to no avail it seems. We feel so smothered and bogged down, its like someone has tied cement to our bodies and thrown us overboard. Steven has had the "unsettled" feeling longer than I have. I guess it just took me more time to catch up, and I suppose I was trying to be the strong one and handle things all by myself for my family. However, I am not so sure I made the right decision. In the process, Kalyn has gotten older, wiser, and more mature, more involved in activities and various ministries. Steven has become more and more despondent, maybe even to the point of uncaring and bitter. Me... I am still here, but barely. We have the need to experience more of God. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is working in our lives, pulling and drawing us to a closer relationship with Him. We fully desire to open up and let Him be God. To have liberty in whatever it is that He has planned for us. Right now, we are at a standstill. Steven spoke just the other day about Moses and how God did not let them enter into the Promiseland for 40 years but kept them wandering because of their complaining and disobedience. We are in the same wilderness, wandering, not truly understanding where our destination is. But we have faith, that just like He delivered the Israelites, He will deliver us. Even though He has us captive, He continues to pour out His blessings. We just don't want to be here for 40 years!! I once heard a very wise man say that when God gets ready to do something BIG in your life, He will give you a great dissatisfaction for where you are. We are waiting impatiently for the something BIG. A friend told me just a few days ago, that we were gonna have to make a move , we can't just sit still any longer. She said that we will eventually wither away to nothing, that we are only starving the spirit. We understand all of that, and we know it to be true. We don't want to do anything that is not of God, so we are still waiting to hear from Him. Unfortunately, He is finding it funny to keep us waiting. We don't know if He wants us to attend a different church or if He wants us to do something totally different, something outrageous, where we are. We do know that we need to be spiritually fed and at this point, it is just not happening. What little we have taken in, has come from other sources that we have sought out on our own. We are praying for His direction, for our ears, hearts and minds to be opened to His voice and His guidance. Please, Lord, Speak to us. We are waiting for You to take us by the hand and lead us.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I have been EXACTLY where you are right now and I can tell you that there is freedom! In fact, in January of 2004 I was so discouraged that I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be trying to "do ministry" after all. During that time, God led me to the exact story you referenced about Moses and the Israelites. He especially revealed some things to me about Miriam. The Bible says that after they were freed from Egypt, that Miriam pulled out her tamborine and danced and sang and led all of the other women to do the same. I told God that I longed for that kind of freedom. I was so bitter and dried up at that time. I felt like God was leading me to find out what the name Miriam means and it was so awesome. Miriam has two different meanings depending on the context. The first meaning is "bitterness" which I definately understood. The second meaning is "longed for". As I was praying, God showed me that even though I was "bitter" He wanted to give me what I truly "longed for". I could still cry thinking about how much that changed me. I know that God speaks to us. Just keep trusting Him and He will show you His will. I love you guys and am praying for God to give you direction. By the way, Mia's name is the English translation of Miriam.
Wow I can so relate to where you guys are at now. It seems like there is no hope, no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel. It reminds me of Jesus' disciples and the way they were surrounded by an immense storm that came seemingly from nowhere. They were fighting and toiling to keep their boat from going under and Jesus is sleeping through it all. They can't see any way out and they can't understand why Jesus isn't doing anything about their situation. In fact one of them screams out to Jesus, "Don't you care that we're perishing!?" They were in the midst of this horrific storm, this great trial and they actually thought for a moment that Jesus didn't care. When it seemed like everything was going under, like they were going to lose everything, Jesus stepped in an spoke three simple yet powerful words: "Peace. Be still." That's all. And at those words, everything changed. The storm ceased and the disciples stood with their jaws dropped, in awe and wonder at what Jesus just brought them through. I can honestly say that I feel like I know what the disciples felt at that moment. Looking back on the storm that God calmed in me makes me stand in awe at how great He is and how small the storm really was. In the words of our former Pastor, I simply needed to "Wake The Sleeper", to trust that Jesus was in the boat with me and that He had everything under control. I know it seems tough right now, like nothing good could ever come from this. But be encouraged. God did not bring you this far to let you dwindle away into nothing. He is with you even in the dark moments. You will come through this. And when you do, stand in awe of the God you serve and encourage others who are facing the same struggles you came through. 1st Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." We love you guys and Hayley and I are praying for you. You will come through this.
Post a Comment